Sunshine

all mine
This is going to be my own personal journal and I'm not going to add any friends. I think the only person that knows about this is Jordan and I try to tell him everying anyways so its ok if he reads it. Theres so much of something inside me right now. Impatience I think. I really need to concentrate on living in the moment but its really hard because I look at myself and I'm so fat and the only thing I can think of is how I can't wait until it all melts away. I'm giving myself 60 days to lose 15-20 lbs. I know I can do it. Being inside my body now is motivation in itself. But just recently I've decided that I want to try modeling. Since I was about 14 people have told me that I should and I always just brushed it off. But now, I don't know. Its something that I want to try. Once I lose the weight I'm going to send my pictures into a bunch of different modeling agencies and go to a few open calls in seattle. My plan is to do this at the end of October because thats when my parents will be out of town for 10 days and they would flip out if they knew I was doing this. I hate my body right now so much. I feel so uncomfortable in it. Once I'm about 105ish I know I'll feel better. I haven't told anybody about this except for Jordan because I'm just really afraid of what everyone will say. I know they'll say its really stupid and dangerous and I shouldn't do it. But screw everyone else. Its something I want to try and if it doesn't work out then at least I can say I tried it. I think my impatience has caused me to work a little harder so I can lose it faster, which is mainly a good thing but I just really really really REALLY want to avoid pushing myself too far and then binging a bunch. yuck. I think thats enough for now, I better go start exercising.

I am Jennie

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